8 Ways to Improve Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is managing how you react to situations and expressing yourself appropriately. It's one of the five elements of Emotional Intelligence, a concept developed by psychologist Daniel Goleman.

Self-Regulation as a Key Capability

To determine what critical skills and capabilities managers need, the Mindtools Building Better Managers report surveyed 2,001 managers across 12 industries. 72 percent listed empathy, self-awareness/self-regulation, or social sensitivity as one of the top five essential capabilities for managers. [1]

Self-regulation benefits individuals. People who self-regulate can calm themselves when angry and cheer themselves up when down. They're flexible, adapt their styles to work with colleagues, and take charge when necessary.

Research shows that managers trained to self-regulate deliver higher financial performance for their teams. They’re also rated as more effective at their job. [2]

But what is it about self-regulation that makes it a key capability for business outcomes?

Why Self-Regulation Is Important

Managers often work under pressure and face many competing demands. Getting lost in anxious thoughts is easy during difficult periods, but doing so can negatively affect your productivity and wellbeing. What’s more, the knock-on effects can cause significant issues for their team.

For example, research has found that managers who cannot maintain emotional control or who experience emotional exhaustion negatively affect their team’s mental health and ability to adapt. [3]

By practicing self-regulation, you can prevent yourself from behaving in a way that could cost you, your team, and your organization in the long run.

Watch the video with organizational psychologist and author Debra Kurtz on regulating your emotions at work.

Practicing Self-Regulation From Feedback

Employees are less likely to quit if they feel respected. By asking them for feedback and listening with empathy, you can increase your self-awareness and promote fairness in the workplace.

With self-regulation, you can learn to bounce back from any negative feedback. Remaining calm under pressure and accepting feedback graciously demonstrates empathy. It can also strengthen your reputation at work.

8 Strategies to Develop Your Self-Regulation Skills

Use the following eight strategies to develop self-regulation.

1. Lead With Integrity

Managers who self-regulate lead with integrity. They are good role models, create trusting environments, and do the right thing for the right reasons, even when it’s the hardest option.

To lead with integrity, identify your values. These are the things you won't compromise on, even if they put you at a disadvantage. Accept that you may lose opportunities by behaving ethically, but might win in the long term instead. Admit your mistakes, take responsibility for your actions, and listen to your intuition.

People often mirror how they’re treated. If a manager avoids destructive behaviors, promotes empathy, and stays optimistic, even in the face of adversity, it’s likely their team will, too.

2. Be Open to Change

Self-regulation helps managers to adapt easily to change, and view it as an opportunity for self-development.

Managers who resist change can experience significant stress and other adverse physical and psychological effects.

If you struggle with change, try using the Transactional Model of Stress and Coping  to look objectively at your situation and analyze how to respond effectively. Tools like SWOT, Risk Analysis, and Impact Analysis can help you learn how to discover new opportunities and eliminate threats.

3. Identify Your Triggers

Triggers are events or reactions which cause negative emotions and stress. To identify your triggers, list all the times you've given in to your negative impulses at work. When you've identified emotions and reactions that aren't useful, replace them with more positive behaviors.

For example, you might discover you tend to snap at colleagues when your workload feels out of control. To remedy this situation, you could schedule yourself "free" appointments.

Self-awareness helps you to identify triggers. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, and how other people’s behavior can affect you negatively, can help you to develop your self-regulation.

4. Practice Self-Discipline

In their study, "Masters of the Long Haul," researchers Thomas Bateman and Bruce Barry said that self-regulation is the single most important factor in achieving long-term goals. [4]

Develop self-regulation by working on persistence and self-discipline. These traits keep you working hard, even when your goals seem out of reach. For example, focusing on how you'll feel when your project is completed might help you avoid procrastinating or giving up altogether.

A key factor in self-discipline is the ability to focus.  If you struggle with this, try timeboxing. It’s a valuable tool that can improve time management, delegation, project planning, and productivity.

Take a few minutes at the start of each day to allot time in your schedule to what you want to achieve. Specify each task in your calendar and decide start and finish times. By setting a schedule, you can focus on one task at a time.

5. Reframe Negative Thoughts

If you experience an adverse event or obstacle at work, question whether your negative thoughts stand up to fair scrutiny. For example, did you really fail to land that job because you were "not good enough"? Or was it because your colleague had more experience in a specific area?

Consider using affirmations and visualization to manage your negative thoughts and control how you react to future situations. For instance, saying to yourself, "I can do this. I've done it before," is far more motivating than, "I'm hopeless!"

A slight shift in perspective can transform your thinking and make you more optimistic about the future. By rationally assessing the facts and looking for positives, you can undo any damage from negative thinking.

Imagine you receive upsetting feedback that causes you to have negative thoughts. If you momentarily remove emotion from the equation, you can consider whether these thoughts have any objective truth. If they do, how can you improve your performance next time? If they don’t, take the initiative, and talk to the person who’s fed back to you, addressing any misunderstandings.

6. Keep Calm Under Pressure

Self-regulation is about remaining calm in the face of adversity. If you're in a situation where you're losing control of your emotions, remove yourself for a few moments, either physically or mentally.

Relaxation techniques like deep breathing can interrupt negative thoughts and help you calm down. Breathe in slowly for five seconds, then breathe out for five. Focus on your breath and nothing else. Do this at least five times.

Another practical way to reflect on any emotional responses you have to difficult situations is by journaling. It can help develop self-awareness and provide a space to repeat any affirmations. But it can also help you process your feelings and any consequences there may have been.

7. Consider the Consequences

If you find yourself in a difficult situation, consider the repercussions before you act. Remembering when you previously reacted badly can remind you why being self-regulated is essential.

Try to gain some perspective on the situation. Imagine how you appear when you're not in control. For instance, think about how you’d look if you shouted at your team member. How would you feel working for a manager like that?

You can tackle unhelpful thought patterns and responses by practicing mindfulness techniques. For example, take a moment to accept your feelings and acknowledge that they’ll pass. Doing so frees you from the burden of holding on to negativity and feeding that pernicious wolf.

When bouncing back from problems proves tricky or takes longer than usual, consider developing your mental toughness. Developing resilience enables you to learn from your mistakes and seek opportunities for growth in your failures. Also, resilient people often have a greater capacity for empathy.

8. Believe in Yourself

Another important element of self-regulation is self-efficacy, which is your belief in your ability to achieve your goals. To develop this, work on your self-confidence. Focus on the experiences in your life where you were successful in order to put your mistakes and setbacks into perspective.

Look for success in others whose skills and abilities are similar to yours. Doing so makes you more likely to believe you can achieve success, too.

Combine these positive thoughts with great stress management strategies, and you'll soon improve your self-confidence.

Let's Act

To improve your self-regulation, take time to understand your emotional triggers. Next time you’re in a situation where you’re experiencing negative emotions and stress, try this:

• Think about who and what has set you off emotionally.
• Consider why it’s happened.
• Without repressing your emotions, think about how you will manage them before you speak to other people.

Paying attention to your emotions as they happen will help you manage negative reactions more effectively and stop you from acting impulsively

FAQs on Self-Regulation

Why is self-regulation important? It contributes to emotional intelligence and helps us stop unhelpful behavior.

How do I identify my strengths, weaknesses and triggers? Try developing your self-awareness. Start by taking a Personal SWOT Analysis.

How can I take control of my focus? Try Timeboxing to manage your workload by breaking down daily tasks into set time periods. Doing so can eliminate distractions.

When is self-regulation important? Always, but it’s beneficial in challenging, stressful situations.