Access the essential membership for Modern Managers
Feelings Aren't There to Be Fixed
Interview by Melanie Bell, Mindtools Content Writer and Editor
Phil Willcox is the founder of the Emotions at Work consultancy. Mindtools editor and writer Melanie Bell discovered how Phil helps companies and their people to understand each other better.
Can you tell us a little about yourself and your work?
Sure! My mild obsession with emotion began nearly 25 years ago when I really should have been fired for something I did at work where emotion got the better of me!
This experience got me making a promise that emotion would NEVER get the better of me again. At first it was a quite adversarial relationship I had with emotion. And if “Frozen” had been released back in the day, I would have been very Elsa – “conceal, don’t feel.”
Over time I’ve immersed myself in many different types of research and practice related to emotion and what sits around it: psychology, social psychology, sociology (yes, they are different), linguistics, identity, personality, deception, to name a few.
At Mindtools, we offer an assessment that measures different management skills, including emotional intelligence. You also offer an assessment of emotional intelligence. How do you measure these skills objectively, and how is this knowledge helpful?
Now this is a wonderful question. Partly because it fits the narrative of wanting to measure something which in and of itself is wholly subjective, in an objective way!
And there is only one emotional intelligence assessment tool which delivers this outcome and I’m one of a handful of practitioners in the U.K. accredited to administer and interpret it.
Through the triangulation of self-assessment, 360-degree feedback and a peer-reviewed knowledge and skills assessment, we can objectively measure and compare someone’s emotional intelligence.
I’d like to expand the second part of your question to say how the knowledge, understanding and skills can be helpful.
What (in the main) gets work done, goals achieved, and fuels relationships is emotion. Emotion is present wherever humans go and so knowing (and influencing) your own and others’ emotions is essential.
Your website says: “We use emotions as the lens to analyze behavior, performance, communication, and relationships. This enables us to identify where a lack of emotional awareness, understanding and management is causing problems.” How can managers and leaders use emotions to analyze these elements as they work with their teams?
I will open by saying that to do this reliably and consistently is hard and hence I have been on a 25-year quest to do it well. At the same time, thoughts and feelings (cognition and emotion) are interactive domains, which influence and drive behavior.
I cannot, and neither can any manager or leader, read someone’s mind. At best, we can pay attention to others’ behavior, notice if or how it changes within and across contexts, and hypothesize as to what may be driving that behavior.
So, as a manager or leader, pay attention to your team’s or your peers’ behavior. Notice their body language, their facial expressions, their voice, their words, and how they are interacting with others. When or how does this change? What would be at least two reasons to explain the change? What questions would be useful to help me to understand more?
Often when we are looking at others’ behavior in interactions involving ourselves, we think it is all about me. In the vast majority of cases, it never is!
What are some common misunderstandings about emotional intelligence?
That it is soft and fluffy. Emotions are hard and clear – hard to regulate, clear in their signaling something important is happening. Hard to hear, clear in their message that you need to pay attention. Hard to feel, clear in their desire to protect you or enrich your life. And hard when expressed without consideration.
Emotional intelligence is something with huge prosocial potential for individuals, teams and organizations as a whole. It also has a dark side too, and this is often forgotten in the narrative around emotional intelligence.
Daniel Goleman, who wrote a landmark book on emotional intelligence, argued that it can matter more than IQ. What do you think?
I mean you're asking someone who founded a company called Emotion at Work, so I’m pretty sure it's clear where my bias rests! For the vast majority of humans at work and socially (I will keep my lens at work), we interact with other humans. Humans are emotional beings and therefore having emotional intelligence will always have a wider and deeper reach and impact than IQ.
What’s your most controversial take on emotions in the workplace?
Ooooooh, I do like a hot take! The principal barrier to emotions in the workplace is emotions. I don’t believe that people are thinking emotions are something which should be left at the door. It is an emotional decision or standpoint.
What are your favorite lessons learned from your work?
There is always more going on than you think. People are “meaning-making machines” – and when we see, hear or experience others’ behavior, we make it mean something. I’d wager 90 percent of the time, what we make it mean is inaccurate. Hold off making a conclusion or ascribing meaning and find out a little more to see how this shapes what you make something mean.
Any final thoughts for our readers?
When someone expresses how they are feeling around, to, or with you, you don’t need to fix it. Often when someone expresses emotion we feel drawn to help or assist or fix the feeling. Hold that temptation and let the person do their thing. Definitely listen, please be there, maybe ask questions and remember, you don’t need to fix it.
What’s Next?
For a broad overview of emotional intelligence and how to develop it, see our article on Emotional Intelligence.
As touched upon by Phil Willcox in his interview, emotional intelligence does have a dark side and can be used to manipulate people. To read more about that, see our piece The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence.
Mindtools also has several videos featuring Phil Willcox's insights on different areas of emotional intelligence: Building Psychological Safety With Your Team, Self-Awareness Tips for Managers, Managing Conflict in a Leadership Team, Social Sensitivity, and Emotional Intelligence for Leaders.
Tip of the Week
Onboard Yourself
By Kevin Dunne, Mindtools Content Editor and Writer
Starting a new job is not easy. While you grapple with getting to know your new teammates and where everything is, there’s also the tricky business of getting to grips with your new role.
And anybody who’s moved jobs will testify to the fact that not all “onboarding” – the integration of a new employee into an organization – is equal.
So during those first few crucial weeks as you settle in, one of the best things you can do is onboard yourself.
Ask questions but only once and keep a constantly updated record of what you’ve learned.
When I first joined a national newspaper (my then dream job), every time I put my copy in, I read back the revised version that went in the paper and noted any changes made.
In that way, I soon had the biggest style guide on the desk and could refer to that every time I subbed a piece.
The amount I bugged my busy colleagues for information rapidly declined and I soon became part of that well-oiled, efficient machine.
For advice on integrating your hybrid and work-from-home new hires, see our article Virtual Onboarding.
Pain Points Podcast
This week's big question on Pain Points is one of balance: between profits and people.
How do you lead your business or manage your team to success – while also playing fair with the folks who work for you and with you? And can everyone in a company really play a part in social responsibility?
Jonathan Hancock's guest is eminent human rights lawyer Michael Posner, a State Department official under Barack Obama, the Director of the Center for Business and Human Rights at NYU Stern School of Business, and the author of “Conscience Incorporated: Pursue Profits While Protecting Human Rights.”
Subscribe Today
Video of the Week
Establishing a Culture of Belonging With Grace Mosuro
How do you create a team culture where your people feel seen, heard and valued and want to stay?
In this expert video, inclusion coach Grace Mosuro explains the simple steps you can take as a manager to create that sense of belonging in your team.
Watch Now
News Roundup
This Week's Global Workplace Insights
Weekends? They're Just So 1980s
Back in 1987, according to Gordon Gekko in the iconic movie Wall Street, “lunch was for wimps.” Now it seems that weekends are too.
Forbes reports a host of AI startups are now working seven-day weeks, as they rush to get their products to market before “AI giants like OpenAI and Anthropic squash fledging startups with new feature updates.”
The U.S. publication quotes Kenneth Chong, CEO of Arrowster, an AI startup that helps students to apply to study abroad.
Under his leadership the normal working week is gone – and in its place a mash up of “working sessions followed by naps, instead of waiting for weekends to catch a breath.”
He said, “Why is a week seven days? If you think about it, there's no logical reason. There might be historical reasons, but why is it five days working and two days off?”
Still, University of San Diego labor law professor Orly Lobel highlighted the obvious risk that burnout could hurt companies, too.
She said, “I’m quite convinced that it's not the amount of hours and the amount of days that you work, but rather, it's much more about quality.”
Workers Are Products of Their Environments
Speaking of lunch, free ones are not top of the workforce’s list when it comes to luring them back to the office.
A survey conducted by online global news outlet The Conversation revealed that what workers really want are offices better suited for the purpose, not just the same pre-pandemic ones.
Their research showed “significant declines in satisfaction” with key office factors like the way they look, how the space works, lack of natural light and views, coupled with no input into the design of the environment.
What employees wanted, reported The Conversation, were offices with “reduced density, physical distancing, reconfigured layouts, and better ventilation,” plus quiet, private spaces for focused work.
The message is clear for employers (apologies to Kevin Costner): “Build it and they will come.”
To discover how companies can better guard against overstretching their workforce, see our expert video with Sharon Aneja, How Can Organizations Reduce Burnout?
See you next week for more member-exclusive content and insight from the Mindtools team!
