With no sign of a thawing in relations, I decided to speak to my immediate boss, “Mike.” He was appreciative of my work and suggested (remember, this was 30+ years ago: a Jurassic period in management soft skills!) that perhaps I reminded her of an ex-husband she couldn’t stand.

One day, Veronica told Mike that she was thinking of letting me go because of my poor IT skills. He saved my skin, telling her, “Do you want someone good at computers or someone with expert knowledge of the subject matter, who makes a valuable contribution?”

After that, my IT skills did improve, and Veronica found me tolerable rather than insufferable. I decided to settle for that!

So, what can you do if there is someone at work you just don’t get along with, but you have to work with?

Six Steps for Building a More Productive Relationship

A good starting point is accepting that you don’t have to like someone to have a productive relationship.

1. Understand the Reason for the Bad Relationship

There’s a difference between a colleague who is being unhelpful or frustrating and one who is bullying you or stopping you doing your job.

For example, a colleague who makes sarcastic remarks in a meeting may just be having a bad day. But persistent negativity that causes distress or delays is a problem.

However, if you dislike someone because of their lifestyle or politics, then you may need to be more accepting.

2. Analyze Why

Think about why you don't like this person. What do they do, specifically, that irritates you?

It's possible that the negative or annoying behavior reminds you of a specific trait that you have yourself that you don't like.

Maybe they remind you of someone you disliked in the past? Or maybe they have a different working style that clashes with yours?

If you're willing to be honest with yourself, you can become more self-aware by understanding this person.

3. Try to Connect

This person might have character traits that you dislike. But, chances are, they will also have many positive attributes. What are they? What behaviors or personality traits do you like or relate to?

This is where empathy comes in – by trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Why might they act the way they do? What pressures are they under that you aren't?

And, however difficult, spend time with this person – ideally in an informal context such as a team meal – to gain a better understanding of their perspective and motivation.

Simply getting to know them better might be the key you need to overcome your dislike.

4. Talk It Out

Choose a time and place where you can talk privately with the other person. Use the following framework to make your case, and to find a solution:

• Acknowledge the tension between you.
• Outline the behavior that is causing tension.
• Cite a number of specific examples.
• Explain how these actions affect you.
• Ask what you can do to build a better relationship.

Such conversations can be challenging, so use assertiveness techniques to make your case with confidence.

5. Manage Your Emotions

Dislike is a powerful emotion, and you may feel tense and upset when dealing with your colleague.

But you can reduce these feelings by changing the way that you react. Learn how to manage your emotions, so that you can respond with assertiveness and dignity in tough situations.

If you have a negative interaction with someone, take immediate steps to calm down: walk away or practice deep-breathing exercises.

Occasionally, conflict might erupt, especially if the relationship is hostile or tense. So learn good conflict resolution skills to resolve these issues quickly and professionally.

6. Keep Negativity to Yourself

It's tempting to share your dislike of someone with colleagues, and to spend time dissecting this person's personality flaws.

But gossip can destroy morale, and badmouthing colleagues will likely damage your own reputation.

Can Managers Create a Better Workplace Environment?

Is there anything managers can do to prevent all of this from happening in the first place? Well, they can help turn the organization or department into an emotionally healthy place to work. So:

• Develop rules of behavior. Make sure that there are defined values and rules of behavior for the organization and communicate them to everyone. Encourage good manners in the office.
• Create a reward system. All too often, negative behavior gets all the attention, while good behavior is ignored. It should be the opposite.
• Hold people responsible for their actions. When there's accountability and transparency, people are less likely to ignore bad behavior, or let it continue.

What's Next?

You could just sit and stew about how much someone at work annoys you, until you eventually “blow up” and cause a scene that the rest of your team or organization talks about for months to come.

But it’d be far better for you to be proactive and handle the situation in a productive way. You can explore tips and techniques for doing this in our article How to Work With Irritating People. You can also take on board the advice in our Expert Interview with Katherine Crowley and Kathi Elster, co-authors of the best-seller “Working With You Is Killing Me.”

Tip of the Week

How to Break Free From Decision-Making Paralysis

By Keith Jackson, Mindtools Managing Editor

I’m great at making decisions. Big decisions, quick decisions... you want ‘em, I got ‘em. Who has time for endless hand-wringing over potential negative outcomes and all that examining data malarkey?

Maybe I should qualify that: I’m great at making decisions that aren’t mine to make. Other people’s decisions are easy! But throw in some actual accountability and personal responsibility and the machine sometimes just stops. Clarity gives way to overthinking; a cavalier attitude to risk gives way to obsessive permutating of possible disasters.

If you’re in the same boat, how do we hoist that anchor of paralysis? One tool to consider is ORAPAPA. It’s an acronym that examines seven things you need to consider when making a significant decision.

• Opportunity: start positive. What are the potential benefits and opportunities of your preferred choice? All good, yeah? But hold on, what are the . . .
• Risks: what could go wrong? What are the weaknesses of your option? Perhaps you need to consider . . .
• Alternatives & improvements: what back-up choices do you have? Can you improve your original idea? Then again, remember what happened last time . . .
• Past experience: did previous similar plans or ideas work? Who could we talk to who’s been through this before? Sounds like the right time for a bit of . . .
• Analysis: what other information supports or challenges your idea? What gaps have you missed? Let’s run this past some other . . .
• People: who will likely be affected? What do other stakeholders think? Does this decision sit well with your organization's values? Let’s explore . . .
• Alignment & ethics: is the decision aligned with your overall strategy, culture, ethics, and mission?

Having the ORAPAPA checklist to hand can break through decision-making paralysis. You can read our full article and see our accompanying video here.

Pain Points Podcast

Don't miss the latest episode of our "Pain Points" podcast, exclusive to Mindtools members!

Are you the boss you want to be? In this episode, we talk to executive coach Sabina Nawaz about what a great boss is – and isn't. Drawing on years of experience at the highest level of Microsoft, Sabina shares tips and advice on becoming a better manager.

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Video of the Week

Daniel Hulme, AI at Work

Leading AI expert Daniel Hulme advises companies and governments on artificial intelligence.

In this video, Daniel shares his insights and practical advice on how artificial intelligence will impact your business – now and in the future.

Watch Now

News Roundup

This Week's Global Workplace Insights

Hire IQ

There are some tricks and tactics used by jobseekers that hiring managers and HR departments are wise to, such as a little bit of exaggeration about competency or experience.

But companies are facing a new problem: The BBC has reported that many candidates now rely on AI to write their applications for them. And the fear is that AI-generated applications could hoodwink employers into taking on people who can’t do the job advertised.

One boss told the BBC that tech-savvy applicants “could ‘engineer’ the process without being ‘capable of doing the job’.”

The report points to a U.K. survey that showed almost half of 2,000 job applicants used AI, mostly to write their cover letter. The boss quoted added that companies may need to fight fire with fire and use AI to weed out those applications generated by AI.

Tariff Terror!

Unless you conduct business under a rock somewhere unimaginably remote, chances are you’ve been trying to get your head around the storm of new U.S. tariffs and worldwide counter-tariffs.

A report from consultancy giant McKinsey & Co shows that CEOs now view changes in trade policy as one of the biggest disruptive forces in the global economy.

But McKinsey researchers are advising worried businesses to adopt a four-step framework for mitigating the impact of tariffs:

1. Assess the likely impact: what’s your exposure to tariffs, and what would they do to your supply chains?
2. Derisk your supply chain: what can you do to pre-emptively lessen the impact?
3. Strengthen customer relationships: keep customers on board with transparent communication and by creating strong value propositions.
4. Planning for the future: explore options for diversifying or widening supply chains away from country-specific tariffs.

To explore more about how to do business in volatile and uncertain times, see our article Managing in a VUCA World.

See you next week for more member-exclusive content and insight from the Mindtools team!