The Imposter Cure: How to Stop Feeling Like a Fraud and Escape the Mind-Trap of Imposter Syndrome

This mindset affects your career and your personal life. You're often stressed and on edge. You work too hard and take on too much. And your health and relationships suffer, because you haven't got time for rest, fun or love.

Does this sound familiar? If you can relate to any of it, you probably have a case of impostor syndrome. And if so, this book will help.

"The Imposter Cure" takes a detailed look at imposter syndrome. It explores what causes it and how we can recover from it. It looks at the damage it does to our careers and personal lives, and, in some cases, the devastation it wreaks on our mental and physical health. And it offers tried-and-true, evidence-based strategies to help us to achieve our potential in all areas of life, illustrated by relatable case studies.

So, who's this book for? "The Imposter Cure" has a broad reach, because imposter syndrome is such a widespread phenomenon, affecting people of all ages and from all walks of life. If you can relate to feeling like a phony and battling self-doubt, this book is for you. The author says about 70 percent of people have felt some degree of imposter syndrome, so that's a big audience.

Dr Jessamy Hibberd is a chartered clinical psychologist, author and commentator, with 15 years of experience working in mental health, both in her own private practice and in the U.K.'s National Health Service. She works with adults with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, and this experience informs the book – alongside her training, extensive research, and insights from other experts.

So keep listening to hear how childhood experiences can lead to chronic self-doubt, to learn how to stop overworking and avoiding life, and to hear how to replace a critical inner voice with a compassionate one.

"The Imposter Cure" is split into three parts: Understanding Imposter Syndrome, Why You Are Not An Imposter, and How To Say Goodbye To The Imposter For Good! Each part comprises a handful of short chapters. Each chapter has lots of bullet points, tables and diagrams, and begins with a summary of what the reader will learn. The frequent case studies add color, and bring the theories to life.

This structure, and the author's clear writing style, make the content easy to digest. So let's see what she says about the origins of imposter syndrome, and why some of us succumb to it more than others.

Hibberd offers a short overview of human brain development, and topics such as survival strategy, fight or flight, and nature versus nurture, which are often explored in personal development books. Children are sponges, she says, soaking up the words and mannerisms of the adults around them, as well as picking up on subtle messages and cues.

She refers to common childhood experiences that contribute to imposter syndrome. These include: being told you're not good enough; being loved conditionally, only when you're doing well at school or at sport; or being ignored by uninterested parents.

Hibberd says receiving mixed or confusing messages is one of the strongest predictors of imposter syndrome. For example, your teachers praise you for scoring 95 percent in your history exam. But when you get home, your father or mother asks you why you didn't get 100 percent. This can be a painful and confusing experience for a child that can have long-term consequences, making it very difficult for that person to feel successful.

Labels and comparisons also contribute to imposter syndrome. Maybe your parents called your sibling "the clever one," so you assumed you were "the stupid one." You went through life believing this on the inside, while trying to hide it on the outside, through overwork and perfectionism.

The child labeled "the clever one" may not have fared much better. Perhaps they were top of the class at school, but got a shock when they went to university or started work and realized they weren't as special as they thought. Revelations like this can cause polarized thinking: people see themselves as incompetent because they're not the best.

We like the way Hibberd explores the connections between childhood experiences and imposter syndrome. She strikes a good balance between science, psychology, and real-life anecdotes that many readers will relate to.

Toward the end of Part One, we meet "the two imposter twins" – overworking and avoidance – and learn how to stop these behaviors from hijacking our lives and careers.

People who feel like imposters or frauds tend to put in extra hours to mask low self-esteem and self-doubt. They over-study, over-prepare, over-work, obsess over tiny details, have impossibly high standards, and keep moving the goalposts.

If their hard work pays off, they feel only momentary relief, followed by deep anxiety about how they're going to keep up the pace, or what they're going to deliver next. They don't pause to celebrate or to rest. At the extreme end of the spectrum, these behaviors can lead to burnout, family breakdown, mood disorders such as depression, and addictive behaviors like alcoholism.

Hibberd suggests several strategies to address this. One is to look at the bigger picture and ask yourself the following questions: if I was at the end of my life looking back, what would I want to see? What would I have done differently? How would I have liked to spend my time? What would my biggest regrets be?

Armed with this information, you can start to set some healthy boundaries around work, reducing the time you dedicate to it, and increasing the time you spend looking after your health and cherishing your relationships. You can still work hard and achieve things – the key is to notice when you've done well and to grow in confidence, rather than allowing your achievements to stress you out because you're worried about what you're going to pull off next.

Throughout the book, Hibberd shares a host of other tips to break the compulsion to overwork, from finding the courage to say no, to delegating, to aiming for 80 percent rather than the full 100.

The other imposter twin is avoidance. People with imposter syndrome are chronic perfectionists and have a massive fear of failure. They either avoid doing things altogether or they leave them to the last minute. This sabotages their success, reinforcing what they knew all along – that they're not good enough. It's a vicious cycle.

The first step in breaking free from this trap is to become aware of its devastating impact on your life, your health, and your work. This awareness will give you the motivation to change. Then you can challenge your avoidance in various ways. For example, you can break down big projects into small, achievable steps; tackle just one thing at a time; and delay gratification, by rewarding yourself after you finish a task.

Overworking, perfectionism, procrastination, and avoidance are all very common problems. And even if you know how to beat them, you'll likely still fall into these behaviors now and then. That's why it's so helpful to have so many tools and strategies in one place in this book.

Let's now turn to that little voice in our heads that tells us we're "not good enough." Hibberd offers several tips and tricks to challenge self-critical voices and replace them with self-compassion.

Self-criticism is corrosive. You may think it keeps you on your toes and drives you to perform at a higher standard, but all the research shows the opposite.

Hibberd suggests a simple two-step process to beat self-criticism. The first step is about becoming aware of how you speak about yourself. This might sound obvious but until you start to listen in, you might not realize how much you berate yourself for doing a bad job or for getting things wrong.

So, when you hear the criticizing start, listen carefully. Ask yourself whose voice this is. Does it sound like someone from your past? Whether you can recognize the voice or not, do you want to carry on listening to it? Is it helpful?

Write down some of the statements this voice comes out with – seeing them in black and white can help you realize how harmful they are. And are they even true? Pause and ask yourself if the criticism is accurate. Then switch your focus to all your capabilities and achievements, and give yourself permission to explore new opportunities.

The next step is to find a new inner voice. You can begin this journey by bringing to mind someone who's compassionate and caring. This could be a family member, a fabulous boss, or a coach. Try to tune in to their tone of voice and the encouraging, supportive words they might use.

If your presentation doesn't go to plan and the critical voice pipes up, simply tell it to quieten down, and then replace it with this compassionate voice. You could say something like, "That was tough today, but you prepared well and did your best." Or, "Lots of people find public speaking hard. You're learning and you're getting better all the time."

It's also a good idea to spend time thinking about things in your personal or professional life that have gone well, to celebrate those achievements, to accept yourself as you are, and to remember that you're human.

This is sound advice, and even if it's not new to you, there's a benefit in hearing it again. But Hibberd wants us to do more than hear it. She invites readers to take notes throughout the book and answer a series of questions that help them delve deeper into their own experiences. Ultimately, she wants us to understand why we might feel like frauds, and what we can do about it.

Hibberd's passion for helping people overcome the menace of imposter syndrome shines through this book, as does her knowledge of psychology and behavioral change. She also draws on the work of other experts, notably Dr Valerie Young, author of "The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women." In her research, Young identifies five "competence types" in relation to imposter syndrome. They are the perfectionist, the natural genius, the soloist, the expert, and the superwoman or man. There are helpful descriptions of each of these types here in Hibberd's book.

Hibberd also references the work of Dr Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion, as well as signposting readers to well-known stress-busting tools and practices such as mindfulness meditation and calming breath.

A lesser-known tool we really liked is the worry outcome diary. Hibberd suggests writing down an action, followed by your anxious prediction of what might happen, followed by the actual outcome. You can then ask yourself if the outcome was better or worse than predicted, note how you coped, and draw lessons from that.

Practical exercises like these are this book's main strength, alongside its clear structure and encouraging, supportive tone. It's like Hibberd is gently guiding the reader through the book, making sure everything is understood and nothing is missed. Points are illustrated in several ways, leaving no room for doubt. Readers are even invited to sign a commitment to themselves at the start, vowing they'll use the strategies in the book to make positive changes.

On the downside, there's a fair amount of repetition – moments when you might think, hasn't she covered this already? The constant drumming home of ideas and theories can become wearing. There are sections that feel like padding, too, like a chapter on busting myths, which is quite basic and doesn't add much to what's already been said.

And while Hibberd's tone is friendly, some may find it patronizing, especially people who've done lots of personal development work already. These readers will find this book reinforcing, rather than groundbreaking, while phrases such as, "Nothing in life is perfect" and, "Repeat after me: you can never know it all" may sound obvious and simplistic.

But beyond the quibbles, we think you'll find "The Imposter Cure" a motivating read. There's real merit in bringing together so much evidence, experience and expertise on a topic that affects millions of people into one well-constructed package. The power of "The Imposter Cure" is in the cumulative effect of all this advice. And for those who know the theories already, the book is a great refresher. You might even have some lightbulb moments, because we often need to hear something a few times before it sinks in, or we feel ready to act on it.

"The Imposter Cure: How to Stop Feeling Like a Fraud and Escape the Mind-Trap of Imposter Syndrome," by Dr Jessamy Hibberd, is published by Aster, part of the Hachette group.

That's the end of this episode of Mind Tools Book Insights, from Emerald Works. Thanks for listening.