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Inner Critic: Help or Hindrance?
Inner critic. Everybody has one. For some people, they’d say a bit of self-doubt helps them maintain high standards and keep motivated. But for others, their inner critic can hold them hostage to self-loathing and fear, preventing them from reaching their true potential. A high degree of self-criticism has even been linked to depression in some studies. Psychologist Katherine Muller’s view is that “People usually succeed in spite of their Inner Critics, not because of them.”
If you’re concerned your own inner critic is getting the better of you, the following tops tips may help you to redress the balance.
1. Monitor Your Self-Critical Judgments
The problem with being habitually self-critical is that it can get so you hardly notice you’re doing it. But every time you say to yourself ‘I’m such an idiot’, or I’m never going to be able to do that’ or ‘They’re so much better at that than me’, you’re diminishing your self-esteem. So then you feel less confident or motivated, and your fears may start to become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Watch out for patterns in your behavior. For instance, are there particular situations or settings that tend to trigger self-criticism? If you find yourself going over and over things negatively in your head, try using distraction to break the cycle. Change the subject, try working on something unrelated to what’s bothering you, or take some exercise, even just a short walk.
To appreciate how toxic self-criticism can be, try writing down your negative thoughts in the second person. So ‘I can’t get anything right’ becomes ‘You can’t get anything right.’ See how much more judgmental it sounds?
Another thing you can do is to imagine how a friend would respond if you shared the criticism with them. They would likely acknowledge your concerns, but also point out what’s good about the situation, or how you could change things for the better in future.
2. Examine the Evidence
Ask yourself what hard evidence you have that your self-criticism is justified. For example, you might have just lost an important client contract, but this could be just one amongst many that you have gained or retained. Psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo suggests: “Act like an investigative reporter. You’re not judging the situation, but asking what’s going on. Explore the situation and use the data to move forward.”
Another simple technique is to list all the evidence that supports your negative belief on one side of a piece of paper and on the other side write down all the evidence that refutes it. This can help you remove some of the emotion, and approach the situation more rationally.
3. Regain Perspective
A great way to stop your inner critic in its tracks is to question how significant an event is in the grand scheme of things. Whether it’s getting a client’s name wrong, missing a deadline, or failing to secure a promotion, ask yourself, how much will this matter tomorrow, next week, next year or even beyond? That’s not to say you should abdicate all responsibility, of course. In situations that have not gone well for you, it’s important to establish how you could have done things better. But ground yourself by asking: who really cares about your mistake/failure? More often than not the answer will be no one, apart from you.
4. Be Kind to Others
It may not be the first solution you think of, but one of the ways to tackle your inner critic is to be kind to others. This is not only a good thing to do in and of itself. But being too critical of other people can give your subconscious permission to be self-critical too. Conversely, making someone else feel good about themselves can be a great way to boost your own self-esteem.
5. Put Positivity at Front of Mind
Challenge your inner critic by regularly focusing on your positive attributes. Write down a list of things you’re good at, and the qualities others like you for when your inner critic is trying to do its worst. Some people even like to have an inspiring screensaver or computer password to keep their positivity topped up.
While your inner critic might be whispering ‘it’s no good, you’re just a glass half-empty kind of person’, psychologist and self-professed reformed pessimist Martin Seligman believes that optimism is something that can be learned. In his book Learned Optimism he encourages pessimistic thinkers to challenge the 3Ps when they make a mistake or something goes wrong. These are:
- Permanence - I failed: I’ll never be able to do this.
- Pervasiveness - I failed in this instance, so I’ll probably fail in every instance.
- Personalisation - I failed, and it’s all down to me.
An optimist’s approach to mistakes and failure, on the other hand, is likely to be as follows:
- Permanence - I failed, but it’s just a temporary setback.
- Pervasiveness - I failed on this, but that’s just one situation that didn’t go well.
- Personalisation - I failed, but I know it’s not all my fault.
It’s a question of reframing the same situation, and trying to see things through a more objective, positive lens. Like so many things, thinking more optimistically gets better with practice.
Find Out More
There are a range of different tools available to help individuals to cope with inner criticism. The ABC model takes a cognitive behavioral approach, encouraging you to dispute your negative thoughts. The following worksheet from TashaHarmon.com also includes some practical exercises which you may like to try. Or why not watch Martin Seligman’s TED Talk on Positive Psychology?
References[1] Melinda Beck, 'Silencing the Voice That Says You're a Fraud (updated June 2009). Available at:
The Wall Street Journal (accessed August 3, 2023).
[2] Ibid.
[3] Ibid.
[4] Lisa Firestone, '4 Ways to Overcome Your Inner Critic' (May 14, 2013). Available at:
Psychology Today (accessed August 3, 2023).
[5] Amy Morin, 'Taming Your Inner Critic: 7 Steps to Silencing the Negativity' (November 6, 2014). Available at:
Forbes.com (accessed August 3, 2023).
[6] Lisa Evans, 'How to Silence Your Inner Critic and Get Over Your Perfectionism' (21 January, 2015). Available at:
Fastcompany.com (accessed August 3, 2023).
[7] Amy Morin, 'Taming Your Inner Critic: 7 Steps to Silencing the Negativity' (November 6, 2014). Available at:
Forbes.com (accessed August 3, 2023).
[8] Jessica Stillman, '10 Practical Tips to Silence Your Inner Critic (22 January, 2016). Available at:
Inc.com (accessed August 3, 2023).
[9] Ibid.
