The Power of Body Language: How to Succeed in Every Business and Social Encounter

Although the author recommends time and practice to perfect the body language skills she's teaching, her own expertise as a corporate trainer and motivational speaker guarantees that none of the exercises feel like chores. This up-beat manual is fast-paced and good fun from start to finish.

The author's often asked by the media to analyze the body language of famous people, like actors and politicians, so she's used to finding those personal or oddball details that will win our attention and keep us entertained.

Who, then, will be interested in "The Power of Body Language"? In short, pretty much anyone who's keen to unlock the secrets of non-verbal communication. As the subtitle says, the book's designed to cover business and social situations, so if you leave it lying around at home, you'll likely find someone else buried in it pretty soon! With explanations of what makes a person attractive to others, what angles to tilt your body in a sales situation, and subtitles like "A Road Map to Sex," who wouldn't be curious?

So, keep listening and find out how to look confident even when you don't feel it; how to know you've got the job before going through the anxiety of waiting for that call; and how the author suggests you communicate with non-English speakers.

The book is divided into nine chapters that are easy to digest and follow a logical progression. First, comes The Power Behind Body Language, which introduces us to the subject of non-verbal communication, as well as to a little of the history of human behavioral study, from Charles Darwin onward.

It includes a quick quiz for readers to work out how they tend to use their own body language. If you take this, you'll be able to find out if you need to slow down a bit and listen more to others. Or maybe be more assertive? Or, perhaps you'll find out that you're already good at relating to others, and could start making use of some advanced communication techniques.

These techniques come in the final chapter, called "Become a Master Communicator." It teaches us the author's Rapport Method – ten steps she's designed to build good relationships with people. These range from relaxing your face and flashing what she calls your "social smile," to developing strong hand gestures and respecting personal space. After this, she encourages readers to create a plan of action. This is a way of visualizing how you'd like to be able to use body language in a work or social encounter.

Once you've read the whole book, this makes good sense, and comes naturally as a conclusion to the points the author's made all along the way. That said, the book is so straightforward that readers would get something out of this last chapter even if they'd gone straight to it, or simply skimmed the rest.

But those who read every page will take a fascinating journey through the nurture versus nature debate; the practice of mirroring – which is when we copy other people's gestures as a way of making them feel more at ease; and how to read expressions on different parts of the human face.

Chapter three gives an analysis of gestures – or body signals – and includes helpful sub-headings such as: "Hand on Chin," "Politician's Point," and "Palms Exposed." Some of these are quite controversial, and will prompt a reaction in most readers. For example, is it really true that touching your nose with your hand is a sign you're lying?

This chapter is also full of useful tips for the business world. Women shouldn't cross or entwine their legs at work, the author says, because most male colleagues will find it just too downright attractive! And she also warns women to beware of doing "the chest thrust" in a company setting, because it's too sexual and predatory.

Conversely, pointing with a pen is an excellent way of drawing someone's attention to the clauses you want them to notice, when you're about to sign a contract or other important document. According to the author, this feels much more team-oriented than if you were pointing with a finger – which is more authoritarian.

Another useful gesture is the thumbs-up, which expresses optimism and power. But it shouldn't be used too often, the author warns, or it could be seen as sarcastic.

The book contains plenty of drawings and photos of these gestures, and even a few diagrams of seating plans. These pictures, many of which are humorous, speak a thousand words when it comes to making the author's message memorable. Her point about the positive nature of the thumbs up sign becomes strangely unforgettable once you've seen the photo she uses of Bill Clinton, who was fond of the gesture.

This chapter – like the whole book – is full of gripping little points made in separate boxes. For example, we get a warning about what she calls "Ten Gestures That Turn Them Off" – signals that will create a bad impression. She doesn't specify whom would be unimpressed with these little habits, but they're likely to be equally irritating at work and in a social setting. Two of these gestures are picking your fingernails and jiggling car keys. Check out the book to find the rest!

Some of the most appealing of these boxes are called "His Signals / Her Signal"' – and they're scattered throughout the whole book. One tells us that, on average, a baby smiles two hundred times a day, a woman smiles 62 times a day, and a man smiles only eight times a day. Another goes against established wisdom to point out that in mixed groups of people, men spend more time talking than women do.

In chapter four, "The Languages of Space and Touch," we find out where we should sit in a meeting if we want to get attention. We also find out where to sit if we want to hide. This chapter teaches how to be aware of our surroundings in general, and how to use public space. It tells us how to defend our own space, and how to use the upper hand we gain when we enter someone else's space.

A useful and fun list in this chapter is The Twelve Wrong Ways to Shake Hands. The heading "Touch Signal" draws our attention to different sorts of body contact – things we all do, but maybe don't think about. These include when to link arms, what we are saying when we use the shoulder embrace, as well as how to approach and use the social kiss.

Chapter five, on "Sound," keeps up the list approach, from how to stop giggling, to five strategies you can use to cut off someone who just won't stop talking.

One comment here reveals the author's attitude toward assertiveness. Earlier in the book, she says we shouldn't be afraid of the word "manipulate." While that word can be used to describe devious or negative behavior, it actually means "to manage skillfully," she tells us. In this chapter she continues the idea of control, discussing the effect of loud voices, and reminding us that dominance can be a good thing.

Chapter six, on "Mastering First Impressions," will cause a few laughs, or embarrassed sniggers, for readers – depending on how comfortable they are with their bodies and with sexual signals. Here, the author says women should draw attention to their bottoms – even in professional settings!

At first glance, this may seem to go against her earlier example of the character she calls Cindy, who was showing too much of every curve, and whose sexy look was so unprofessional that she couldn't get her male staff to listen to her. But the difference between being pleasing to the eye and being in-your-face sexy is not hard to grasp. The first simply makes meeting someone enjoyable and facilitates communication, while the second is, at best, a distraction.

This chapter usefully reminds us about the importance of simplicity in accessories and the need for impeccable – but absolutely discreet – grooming. Short nails and natural makeup are recommended. We must make an effort, but not look as though we've made an effort, she says.

Not everyone would agree with the author here. For example, she's against the use of scent, and recommends lip-gloss rather than lipstick.

This raises the issue of different cultural and even racial values and norms, which the book doesn't touch on, but is real enough in today's business world. Latin cultures, for example, tend to have different attitudes to accessories and makeup, as well as perfumes – so some people might find this an omission in this book.

However, the long tip box on how to communicate with non-English speakers is spot-on. You should emphasize your tone – which, by the way, does not mean shouting! – and raise your pitch at the end of questions, she says. You should also talk with your hands. Bring out that inner charades champion, the author recommends.

If you've already thought about these strategies, what about tilting your head to one side to signal vulnerability and trust, or smiling to show you're not threatening? And don't forget that you can emphasize a message of thanks by putting your hands together in what she calls a "prayer" position and nodding briefly.

Everyone will be drawn to read chapter seven, which is called "Reading Their Secret Signals." Here, we find out about the tell-tale signs that people are lying, and these are much more complicated than simply touching your nose while you speak. Other signals include using filler expressions to buy time and referring to someone in the wrong tense – as well as the typical politician's trick of dodging the question by answering a completely different one.

This chapter also teaches us how to use body language to defend ourselves against a bully. And it includes some very useful tactics to avoid being a victim of crime, which are particularly relevant to women.

There's also a harsh, but healthy, reminder about what friendship is all about. The author tells us that friendships make us feel good. So if someone we think of as a friend leaves us feeling drained every time we see them, perhaps they're not much of a friend. She presents a list of common body language signals that real friends use, so you can check to see if your tiring friend is genuine.

Chapter eight, on "Using Your Own Secret Signals," is just as revealing as chapter seven, and perhaps even more useful for those looking to improve their body language skills in business. The first step in using your own secret signals is to put yourself in the other person's shoes and work out what they're thinking. What do they want out of your encounter with them? This is what the author calls their "What's In It For Me?"

In this chapter, we also learn how to negotiate well, how to close a deal, and how to build a united team. And there's a list we may all want to memorize: Five Steps for a Great Presentation.

Those of us who've read a little about body language before will surely have come across the name Desmond Morris, the zoologist who wrote the world best-seller "The Naked Ape in 1967," as well as the bestseller "Manwatching." This book by Tonya Reiman creates a hands-on and practical application of these earlier observations of human social behavior, relevant to the business world as well as social situations. It even includes some tips for parenting.

Each chapter is divided into eight or more subheads, so readers can comfortably take a break between topics and thoughts. The writing is lively and the author keeps our interest with surprising sidebars. For example, in one that has the title "Empathy Starts in the Crib," we find out that baby girls cry more than baby boys when they hear other babies cry.

The book's list of the Seven Universal Emotions also make good common sense: sadness, surprise, fear, anger, disgust, happiness, and contempt. The author uses a computer analogy to help us to see that these are like "preloaded software" for humans all over the world.

But, she warns us, we rarely see emotions one at a time on a face. Instead we usually see a number of them combined with other body language gestures. The fun is in learning to decode this mixture of messages, as well as to control the messages we're putting out.

So how do we look confident when we don't feel it? When sick with nerves, we can use body language to make us both appear and feel more confident. We should pull our shoulders back and down, push our chest slightly forward, and pull in our stomachs just a little. We should make eye contact with those around us, for example our audience, and make sure our hands are visible. We should balance our weight equally on each leg and we should smile. A smile will make us feel better, the author says, as well as communicate confidence.

And how can you find out whether you've got the job before going through the anxiety of waiting for that call? Well, master your first impressions, as the author will tell you how; learn names; understand the rules of eye contact; and know how to leave a room confidently.

Like many of the best manuals, "The Power of Body Language" teaches us to trust what we already know by instinct. It's a fun book to pick up and dip into, but it's more likely to help if you read it from cover to cover. Fortunately, this comes easily, mostly because the book is full of quirky statistics and nuggets of useful information.

"The Power of Body Language" by Tonya Reiman is published in hardback by Pocket Books, a division of Simon and Schuster.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights.