Perfecting Your Pitch: How to Succeed in Business and in Life by Finding Words That Work

So who's this book for? Well, most people face difficult conversations at some point in their lives. In the business arena, this can be anything from negotiating a multi-million-dollar acquisition to making a trusted employee redundant. On the home front, it can be anything from mortgage talks with bank managers to confronting partners about their behavior.

Fortunately, the writer has 40 years of experience in negotiation. Ron Shapiro is an attorney, speaker, sports and business negotiator, and New York Times best-selling author. He's the co-founder of the Shapiro Negotiations Institute and has negotiated more than $1 billion worth of contracts. And he's helped clients across a huge range of fields work through differences or resolve disputes.

So keep listening to learn the three-step art of effective communication, how to negotiate a raise, and how to refuse employees' requests without damaging morale.

The central point of this book is that we have to take the time to prepare our message if we want to communicate effectively. Winging it on the day, working things out in our head, or scribbling a few notes won't cut it. The key is to write out what we want to say word for word – a process the author calls scripting, for obvious reasons.

The author has nothing against spontaneous communication. But all too often in tricky situations, we fall back on old habits or let our emotions get the better of us.

So how do we script? The answer is to follow the author's three Ds: draft, devil's advocate, and deliver.

Drafting may sound straightforward, but there's more to it than first appears. Yes, you write a rough outline of your message, but it's also important to vent any emotions tied up with the negotiation. Maybe you're angry you've been passed over for a promotion, or you feel taken advantage of at home.

Get all these feelings down on paper and treat it as a therapeutic process. Once you've let a lot of the emotion out, you can approach things with a more rational, calm mind.

The next stage is called "devil's advocate." Here, we accept we don't have all the answers. Often, we're too close to the subject matter, or too emotionally involved and can't see the wood for the trees. Perhaps we come across as bitter, defensive, insecure, or overly contrite in our script. It can be invaluable to get another person's opinion at this stage. All you need is a draft message and a trusted colleague or friend who will play the devil's advocate.

The goal is to make your script more convincing – more factual and less emotional, more precise, and less vague. Perhaps you're asking for a raise but you're selling yourself short. Or, you're saying sorry when you've nothing to apologize for, or you're not apologizing when you should. Your devil's advocate can help you strike the right tone and get the wording spot-on.

Once you're happy with your message, it's time to deliver it. This requires familiarizing yourself with what you plan to say and committing it to memory, unless you're writing an email or speaking on the phone. You'll want to rehearse your script, preferably with a delivery coach – a colleague or friend – rather than just in the mirror. A coach can help you prepare for interruptions, unexpected feedback, or for the answer you don't want to hear. You can't prepare for all eventualities, but you can plan for a lot of them.

Scripting a difficult message may seem like common sense, but how many of us are willing to take the time to write down what we want to say, have it reviewed, and rehearse it with others? The author does a great job of convincing readers this could save stress, worry, hurt, embarrassment, and even money in the long run.

The author shares how he used this three-step process to land one of the largest contracts in Major League Baseball history. In 2009, he and his sports agency partner convinced the Minnesota Twins to agree to a $184 million eight-year contract for three-time American League batting champion Joe Mauer.

Most of us will never face a deal of this scale, but it's good to see the author putting the "draft, devil's advocate, and deliver" process into action himself – and to great effect.

The rest of "Perfecting Your Pitch" contains back-to-back model scripts, drawing on the stories of the author's friends and clients across a range of scenarios, from the boardroom to the home.

We should point out that this part of the book can feel repetitive if you read it in one go. The author follows the same formula for each scenario. But the book is structured so you don't have to read it in one sitting. Once you've got the gist of the three-step process, you can turn to the relevant chapter when a certain situation arises.

Chapter headings include sales challenges, managerial challenges, friends, consumers, family, problems employees face, and media matters, so he pretty much covers all the bases. You'll find case studies on topics from romantic break-ups to sexual harassment at work, and from getting a hotel upgrade to asking a roommate to move out.

So, let's take a closer look at one of these scripts from a scenario that's common to many of us: negotiating a pay raise.

Most employers aren't great at offering salary increases spontaneously. Often, we have to put a strong case forward ourselves. But, asking for more money can be challenging, even for the most self-assured. And sometimes, by the time we're ready to ask for a raise, we're feeling overworked and underpaid, if not angry, resentful, or jealous of our coworkers.

The author says the key is to approach the conversation with as little emotion as possible. So, the first thing to do is to get our feelings down on paper and share them with someone else, as you heard earlier. We need to get to a place of detachment, where we see the negotiation as a purely factual business affair, not a personal battle.

Next, we need to put together a watertight case. As you script your message, write down your specific achievements over the past year, or since you joined the organization. Describe the added value you've brought, the additional sales you've made, or the new clients you've signed up.

Mention what you've done that's above and beyond your job description, if relevant. And, if you're able to get the information, include comparative salaries of others at a similar level in your company or elsewhere.

Finally, name your price, making sure you pitch for more than you'd be happy to accept. Many employers will come in below our figure, so we need to factor this in. We particularly like what the author says about "aiming high but with reason." Always back up your asking price with facts to show you deserve that sum.

You'll also want to be prepared for questions, any unexpected feedback, silence, or a negative response. If your request is dismissed, ask if your boss would give it further thought, or ask for a good explanation.

The author illustrates this theory with the story of Fred, who worked in marketing. Fred scripted his message before speaking to his manager, explaining how his list of duties had expanded since he'd been taken on, and pointing out that his impact on the firm's business had exceeded initial expectations. He then named his price. He had to sit with the discomfort of thinking he'd aimed too high for five days, but was delighted when his boss offered him a new annual salary, not too far short of his asking price.

We're pretty sure you'll find the author's practical suggestions invaluable next time you ask your boss for more money.

But what if you're sitting on the other side of the negotiating table? Managers face all sorts of tricky conversations, from turning down an employee's request for a raise when money is tight, to firing a friend whose work isn't up to scratch.

Managing people's feelings and respecting their needs while sticking to corporate budgets and meeting targets can be a difficult balancing act. You don't want to come across as a pushover, but nor do you want to appear a tyrant.

So, let's look at how scripting can help managers find the middle ground.

One of the author's case studies involves an employee who asked her boss for three days' leave at the last minute – during a busy time for the company. He describes how Margaret popped into production manager Pam's office on Monday afternoon with the news that her childhood friend was having a shotgun wedding that very Thursday. Margaret really wanted to be there, but she needed Wednesday through Friday off.

Wisely, Pam asked for some time to think, and said she'd get back to her the next day. But she also reminded Margaret of company policy on leave – employees were required to give at least two weeks' notice unless it was a medical or family emergency, which this was not.

Pam knew Margaret's absence would jeopardize the company's production deadlines at a really critical moment. And she was wary of setting a precedent for other staff. But Margaret was a valuable employee so Pam wanted to tread carefully.

As Pam drafted her first script, her frustration with Margaret for ignoring company policy came out, and she knew her words were too strong. Pam's second draft was a lot softer, but it still made her point really well.

Pam simply reminded Margaret of the company's guidelines on leave and of her responsibilities as a manager to the firm and to other employees. She said she understood Margaret's wish to stand by her friend, but stressed that her contribution was key to meeting a client's order. Finally, she unequivocally denied Margaret's request for three days off, but suggested she take leave the following month to celebrate the wedding with her friend.

Obviously, Margaret was disappointed, but Pam had softened the blow by focusing on corporate policy, emphasizing her employee's pivotal role, and giving her options to see her friend at a later date. Margaret missed her friend's wedding, but seven months later, she gave two weeks' notice and took time off to be at her friend's baby shower.

We think this case study, along with others in the book, will give managers extra tools to walk that fine line between listening to employees' demands and acting in the company's best interests.

The author's a huge fan of scripting, but he's also realistic about what it can achieve. Scripts aren't panaceas, and your conversations won't always go your way. There are some examples in the book that show this, but we'd have liked to see more discussion of the potential downsides of scripting, and of memorizing your words. There's always the chance you'll concentrate too hard on remembering your script, lose your way, and won't be able to speak off the cuff. Or, you may sound really stilted. Scripting has its risks.

It's clear you'll need to use the process at a time and in a way that suits you. But if you do that, we're pretty sure you'll get a lot of benefits from scripting.

So, if you value your relationships with friends, partners, family members, employees, and employers, "Perfecting Your Pitch" is a great book to have in your toolkit. It shows how to negotiate tricky situations without hurting people's feelings, shooting yourself in the foot, or selling yourself short.

Some of the author's advice is common sense, but there are some real gems in this book too. And, once you've mastered the process, you can use it in any situation.

We think the author could have varied the structure somewhat to make the second part of the book less repetitive. And, he could have delved deeper into some of the scenarios rather than including so many, and giving them all the same brief treatment. But overall, we think you'll find the author's three-step process gives you more confidence to ask for what you want, and to communicate more effectively in all areas of your life.

"Perfecting Your Pitch" by Ronald M. Shapiro with Jeff Barker is published by Hudson Street Press, a Penguin Random House company.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.