How to be Happy at Work

Annie McKee: Rachel, that's such a good question. You know, when I talk with people today they sort of see that I'm at a university and coaching and consulting, and I think people assume that my life was always like that, but it wasn't. I started out in my young adulthood, as you said, really struggling with poverty, and living in a community that struggled with all the ills that go along with poverty.

You know, I always wanted to get out. I mean, some of the jobs I did – cleaning houses, waitressing, that sort of thing – were difficult, but honestly, Rachel, I tried my best to find meaning even in those jobs, and meaning beyond the pay check. And when it was really time to get out, when I was really fed up with literally not being able to buy the kids shoes, I was able to rely on really good friends who provided the support and gave me confidence to dare to start university, to dare to continue on beyond that first degree. I don't think anybody can really break free of a difficult situation without others, and I was so lucky to have really good friends who helped me along the way.

Rachel Salaman: You said that you tried your hardest to find meaning in those menial jobs. How did you go about that?

Annie McKee: I remember one job I had, I was working for a woman named Mary, and I was essentially cleaning her house and doing other tasks around her home. And, as anyone who's done that for pay knows, that can be hard, and you maybe don't feel so good about yourself always when you're doing that kind of a job, especially if you think you could do more, or you should be doing more, and that's how I felt.

I really did find myself kind of sinking into a period of, I don't know, meaninglessness. I wasn't sure what I was doing or where I was going, and I realized I couldn't quit my job, I needed that job, so I really didn't know what to do.

One day I sort of started watching Mary. Mary was a professional woman – she was an accountant, actually – and I started watching how she was living her life, and thinking to myself, "Wow, I really admire her and I admire what she's doing as a woman, as a professional woman. Let me just open my eyes and see what in fact she's done to get there." And I started having conversations with Mary about that and we, over a few weeks, a couple of months, started to have a different kind of relationship.

I think she saw something different in me based on the questions I was asking her, and over time we developed a relationship that was really mentor and mentee. She really did help me see that I could do something better. I was still cleaning her house, mind you, but I found a lot more meaning in that work because I had expanded the definition of my job to include these conversations with Mary. My relationship with Mary became part of my job, and the rest of it just didn't feel so awful because of that.

We can find meaning in whatever we're doing, and there is actually research to back that up. There's a professor named Amy Wrzesniewski, I believe she's at Yale still, and she and her colleagues have done studies of janitors and cafeteria workers and, you know, people who are doing jobs that one might not automatically say have a lot of meaning, and she's found that some people are able to transform their conception of their work and also transform what they do every day so that it does feel meaningful, even if, from the outside looking in, it doesn't look like it would.

Rachel Salaman: Perhaps you could share with us now your own definition of happiness at work. Can you tell us what that is and how you came up with it?

Annie McKee: Rachel, I have studied leadership, as you know, and I've worked in quite a lot of organizations around the world trying to help leaders, you know, move the needle so that their organizations and their people can be more effective. While we did, I think, really help a number of people, senior leaders, learn to use their emotional intelligence, and you know, create a more productive resonant culture, I always felt that we were missing something along the way.

So, I went back to a number of studies that we had done inside organizations, and I looked at all these interviews, thousands of them actually, and the studies that we had done, the reports we'd written, and what I found really surprised me. People were telling us as clear as day that they really, truly want to be happy at work, they want to find meaning and purpose, they want to feel that the future is bright, that they can be optimistic about their own personal future as well as the organization, and they want good relationships.

So, I was able to put together a definition of happiness at work by looking at all of this information, and my definition is quite simple: in order to be happy at work we need to have purpose, we need to feel that our work is meaningful, we need hope, and we need friendships.

Rachel Salaman: Could you give us an example of what that might look like in practice?

Annie McKee: Well, for example, you may work in an office setting, et cetera, and you're doing reports and you're managing to keep up day-to-day, and sometimes, after a while, you can really find yourself burning up and burning out from the pressures, from the sheer amount of work that you do, and maybe your work doesn't feel quite so meaningful.

I've got a great example of somebody who was experiencing that. She was, you know, honestly, really, truly stressed out and burned up, and she didn't find her work to be meaningful any more. She was able to recharge herself by really taking a good, hard look around at what she did every single day and tried to find those activities that did sort of give her a boost, that did make her feel that she was living her values, and for her that was the encouragement she was able to give to others.

She was a manager, she was leading a team, and it really did make her feel that she was doing something good and useful when she supported her people in developing themselves, and she was able to craft a life at work that involved more of that, rather than just sort of nose to the grindstone, you know, nose to the computer screen, and over time, over a couple of months, she found herself getting out of that rut.

Rachel Salaman: So it's about self-awareness as much as anything, I guess?

Annie McKee: I think self-awareness is key for a lot of things. It's key, as we've learned in our studies of emotional intelligence, it's key to good management and good leadership. It's also a key to happiness. We must understand what we love, what gives us meaning, what we're hoping for in our future, and we must understand what people see in us and make sure that we use ourselves and our talents in ways that support others as well, and to do that you've got to know yourself.

Rachel Salaman: Now, in the book, Annie, you point out that happiness leads to success more often than the other way around, despite what we may think. Can you talk us through the business case for happiness at work?

Annie McKee: I think we all intuitively know that we want to be happy at work – most of us do, anyway. I don't know anybody that has said "I'm satisfied being miserable," but is that enough, really; is that enough for us to pay attention to this idea of happiness? It should be, but maybe it's not. Fortunately, there is a growing body of research that says, in fact, happiness contributes to our success, and I think that's really important to recognize.

There's a wonderful researcher, a positive psychologist by the name of Shawn Achor, and his research shows that happiness comes before success, not the other way around, and that actually fits with quite a lot of the research on the relationship between our feelings, our thoughts and our actions.

What we're learning from neuroscience and psychology is that our feelings dramatically impact on what we think and how we think, and of course the combination of our feelings and our thoughts impact what we do. When we feel positive, optimistic, excited, enthusiastic, our brains literally work better, and that doesn't mean that we should always feel that way or always be happy. Life has its ups and downs, of course, and stress has its place, in moderation, but if we are consistently and chronically unhappy, stressed out, frustrated, angry at work, we simply will not function as well, we will not perform as well.

Rachel Salaman: Now, you mentioned earlier in your definition that there are three factors to happiness: purpose, hope and friendships. Who's responsible for giving us those things – is it us, ourselves, or our organizations?

Annie McKee: I think ultimately, we are responsible for our own happiness, and that's not to say that our organizations and our managers shouldn't contribute. For example, it is a leader's job to create a culture where people can be and do their best – that is job one in my opinion. But ultimately, we can't point up or over or even down and tell others to fill us up with happiness, we have to take responsibility for it ourselves.

Now, for example, purpose is really important, a sense of meaning is really important in our work, and while a great culture and a great mission in our organization can help with that, we have to find ways to live our values, we have to find ways to make a difference in ways that are meaningful to us.

Rachel Salaman: So how do you respond to people who think that a relentless focus on positivity might lead people to overlook serious problems that need addressing in an organization?

Annie McKee: There is a difference between a focus on positivity and fantasy. You know, life has its ups and downs, work has its ups and downs, we have to deal with challenges, obstacles, pressures, all sorts of things, but in order to deal with those challenges and obstacles we need resilience, we need optimism, we need hope, and when we feel that way we're better able to take on challenges, to deal with setbacks.

So, my answer to people who say, "Well, a relentless focus on positivity is going to cause us to overlook the real challenges," I don't think we're in any danger of overlooking any real challenges in the workplace – in fact, they usually drag us down. Instead, we need to take charge and really make an effort to be more optimistic, more positive.

The movement toward pessimism and cynicism is very, very strong in many of our organizations, and I think we actually need to combat that with more optimism, rather than less. We can never brush things under the carpet or put rose-tinted glasses on. We need to see the world as it is and then we need to draw on our own individual and collective resources, and to do that we need hope, we need to feel that we're making a difference, and we need relationships that will allow us to get something done together.

Rachel Salaman: In the book you talk about happiness traps. Can you tell us about some of those and how to avoid them?

Annie McKee: When I was looking at this issue of happiness at work I asked myself, "Well, why are so many people miserable in the workplace?" The Gallup polls are awful: worldwide, we see, year in and year out, that upwards of two-thirds of us are either outright disengaged on the job – which, by the way, means we're miserable and we're sabotaging ourselves and others – or we're neutral, which means we really don't care that much. That's unacceptable: two-thirds of us?

So I asked myself, "Well, why is that?", and in fact many of our organizations are truly high pressure, and I think stress is an epidemic in the workplace, and that is something that we really need to grapple with, this concept of overwork. But you know what – I discovered that some of us are overworking because of other reasons than pressure. We think we have to. That little device we carry around in our pockets makes its way to the dinner table and we think we're just going to do one more email and then, before you know it, an hour has gone by and we haven't even spoken with our kids.

Overwork is a trap. Some of us actually get trapped by the "shoulds" of life – you know, "You should take this job because everybody thinks that it's a great job," even though you don't particularly like the idea of that job; you should act a particular way at work when in fact that's not who you are, and that can be really soul destroying. So yes, there are traps that are somewhat determined by the circumstances that we're in, but more often than not we collude and trap ourselves.

Rachel Salaman: And so how should we avoid some of these traps?

Annie McKee: If we're going to get ourselves out of traps, like the "should" trap, the overwork trap, or even the ambition trap, which sounds really great, but if you've ever been in a situation year in and year out where you're just chasing goals for the sake of chasing goals, you know that that can feel really empty over time.

If we're going to get out of those traps we have to really look deep and ask ourselves, "Why am I doing that? Do I actually feel a little bit insecure, which makes me work 24/7 to try to keep up or look good? Am I trying to look a certain way at work because I think I should, and somehow that is coming from a not very good place inside me?"

Self-awareness is really key to get out of the happiness traps. We've got to know why we're doing it, then we need courage and self-management, we need to manage those feelings, we need to really prime ourselves to feel confident, to feel secure in ourselves, in our talents and our abilities, and really rely on ourselves to get out of these traps. It takes courage, it takes self-management and it takes willpower.

It's not easy, which is why we need friends, we need relationships, hopefully in the workplace. It doesn't have to be many, just one person that we can have a laugh with during the day, that we can hang out with and enjoy a conversation that maybe is beyond the immediate task, and if we don't feel we can have that in the workplace then for sure we need it outside.

By the way, these are not the kind of relationships where we should just moan and groan and complain about work, because that actually brings us down. We need relationships that help us problem-solve, help us figure out why we're behaving the way we're behaving and making ourselves unhappy at work.

You're listening to Expert Interview, from Mind Tools.

Rachel Salaman: I'd like to dig down a bit more into those three drivers of happiness: friendship, which we've just been talking about, hope, and purpose. What more can you tell us about finding purpose in our work?

Annie McKee: Purpose and meaningful work are important to everyone, in my estimation, and certainly my research supports that, but what does that actually mean? What I've discovered is that what we want is to be able to live our values in the workplace, we want to feel that some of our core values can come to work with us. Well, what does that mean? You know, I looked at what they call "universal values" – compassion, fairness – that seem to be similar the world over. We can always find ways to live those kind of values in the workplace.

We also want to have a positive impact on people or something that we care about. Well, what does that mean in the workplace? What it means is that we need to look for opportunities to make a difference, to do things that will improve the conditions around us, that will help ourselves and others reach those goals, reach those targets, to really move the cause forward, so to speak, in the workplace, and we can do this in very, very concrete ways.

All of us, for example, can find ways to fix systems and processes that don't work very well. All of us can find ways to create, make and innovate in the workplace, we just need to lift our head up away from that computer and look around and see what we can do.

Rachel Salaman: Moving on to the second factor, hope, you have a section in your book titled "How Hope Works." Could you tell us about that?

Annie McKee: Hope is important to people the world over, and if anyone listening has ever had a difficult situation, whether that be a tragedy or an illness or a natural disaster, you know that hope is what gets us up in the morning and has us put one foot in front of the other and carry on. It's the same in the workplace: we need to feel that where we're going is where we want to go, and it's got to be bigger than our job or our career.

This is a discovery that I've made, and my colleagues have made, that when we're looking toward the future, our organization's vision, even if it's a great vision, is not enough. We need to see that our work is tied to a personal vision, and we need to be optimistic that we can actually reach this. It's not fantasy, it's not pie in the sky, it's a real vision of a real future that really does infuse us with optimism and a sense that tomorrow will be better than today. Then, of course, we need plans, we've got to actually try to get there, which means setting out some goals, setting out some milestones and some action steps, and then just marching forward.

Rachel Salaman: Now, we've talked a little bit about the importance of friendship at work, so could you tell us a little bit more about that?

Annie McKee: A lot of people believe, or have been told, that we're not supposed to be friends with people at work; that somehow, it's going to cloud our judgment and it's not the thing to do. I categorically disagree with that, and I certainly found, in my work with people all over the world, that actually relationships are hugely important to people in the workplace and we do have friends at work.

When we don't, when we do not enjoy the people that we work with – or, worse yet, they don't like us – going to work is more than a chore, it's miserable. We need to feel that we belong, we need to feel that we're with people who are part of a tribe that we're proud to be a part of, you know, people who share some of our values, people who care about the things that we care about, and we need to actually feel that they care about us and we can return that sentiment.

Rachel Salaman: Now this is clearly the trickiest of your three elements because it's about human interaction, which brings with it a host of problems and pitfalls, whether that's bullying or favoritism or one-upmanship. How can we keep our work friendships healthy?

Annie McKee: Healthy friendships at work are so important, and they're not always easy to create or maintain, in part because of the cultures of so many of our organizations that are ultra-driven for short-term results and put undue pressure on all of us. When we're under stress we're often at our worst, especially with other people, and we may put the game face on and sort of smile and carry on day to day, but people know it's not authentic, and before we know it we've got these sort of shallow, superficial relationships that can't withstand the pressures that are inherent in our workplaces today.

Instead, we need to really dig deep and find the courage and the wherewithal to reach across the chasm to those other individuals, to try to understand them. Again, we're talking about emotional intelligence, empathy. Try to understand other people, trust before you are trusted, give before you get – those are the kinds of actions that are going to create strong, positive relationships that will not only infuse us with a sense of meaning and happiness at work, but will help us carry on and get through the challenging times that we all experience in our jobs.

Rachel Salaman: You include a chapter in your book titled "Hearing the Wake Up Call," about when it's time to focus more on being happy at work. What are the signs that we should be looking for?

Annie McKee: Many of us experience difficulties in the workplace. Some of that is transient, some of it is longer term. So people often ask me, "Well, how do I know when things are bad enough that I ought to be looking for something else or making a change in what I'm doing?", and there are three signs, I think, that we really need to pay attention to all the time.

I mean, hopefully we're not going to get to the point where we have some huge wake-up call, like a health crisis or get overlooked for that promotion, or not getting that great job. Hopefully we are tuned into these three signs, and let me tell you what they are.

Number one is physical, physical signs that things aren't right, and they're very basic – you know, we're not sleeping enough or either eating too much or too little, maybe having that second or third glass of wine in the evening instead of sticking to one. You know, physical signs that we're trying to cope with a situation that isn't great, that's number one.

Number two are the emotional signs. Are we feeling pessimistic when normally we're an optimistic, "glass half full" kind of person; do we feel down, maybe even a little depressed, are we snappy with people because our tempers are short?

That brings me to the third category, relational cues. Rachel, one of the things that is true about unhappiness at work is that it usually shows up at home before it shows up at work. We have been programmed to put the game face on at work, and while it's inauthentic and people usually sniff it out, we're not easily called on it. But at home we drop that game face and we can be short with our family and start having problems in our relationship, and it's coming from unhappiness at work rather than unhappiness at home, and then of course it's going to seep back into the workplace.

So, the three signs that we really need to pay attention to all the time are: physical signs that we're trying to cope with something that is really not great; emotional signs, that we're not ourselves somehow; and then relationship problems.

Rachel Salaman: And once we've spotted these signs, what's the next step that we should take?

Annie McKee: If we think that we're heading in the wrong direction, the first thing we need to do is to try to understand what's wrong. It's very easy to point up that manager or that organizational culture, whatever it happens to be, and blame others or blame our situation for our own unhappiness, and while there may be some truth to that – you know, the manager may not be the best manager in the world, or that boss may actually be toxic – we still have to take charge of our own happiness. We have to look deep, we have to look around to see what we can do to make our lives at work better.

When I'm working with managers, leaders in organizations, I counsel people to look first at what they can do differently on a day-to-day basis, to enable them to feel that what they're doing is having an impact, a positive impact on something that they care about. I really encourage people to look to the future and craft a personal vision that may indeed, and should probably, include a career and maybe even that job.

It's surprising that when we look beyond the day-to-day turmoil, and difficulties that we may be having in the workplace, and focus on the future, focus on a vision of a personal future that's meaningful to us, it's amazing how much resilience we can draw on to get through those challenges. So, while we're making the decision about whether this is the right place for us, whether it's the right organization, whether it's the right job, we've got to do things to make sure that we don't sink into misery.

Rachel Salaman: Toward the end of the book you talk about the importance of creating a resonant microculture in your team. For people who don't know, what do you mean by that?

Annie McKee: I've spent a lot of my working career helping leaders create cultures or change their cultures in the organization so people can be and do their best, and most of us recognize that far too many organizations don't have resonant cultures; in fact, they're dissonant, they drive for short-term results, they put too much pressure on people, maybe even the values and the ethics aren't what we would like them to be.

Here's the thing: it's really, really hard to change an entire organizational culture, even if you happen to be the CEO or a senior leader. It's really hard and it takes time. It can be done, it can be done, but it's difficult, and most of us don't have the power to change our entire organizational culture.

We do, however, have the power to create resonance around us, to create a sense of belonging, to create a sense of caring, to create a sense that we're all in this together. It's sort of like shining a light around us and bringing as many people into that light as possible. We all have the power to do that, whether we're a manager or not.

Rachel Salaman: So, what are some ways to do it?

Annie McKee: Some of the ways to create resonance is to start really, really small. Start saying hello to people, ask them how they are and wait for an answer, actually care about the answer, make time to talk to people in the daytime, don't eat your lunch at your desk, go find somebody, sit down, listen to them. When we take these small actions we create a sense of fun, we create a sense of "Hey, this is not so bad," with and for others, and before long it starts to spread.

Rachel Salaman: Well, we've covered a lot of ground in this discussion. What do you think are the top takeaways for people who want to be happy at work?

Annie McKee: The first takeaway about happiness at work is that we can all take actions to be happier at work, that we don't need to wait for others to change or others to do it for us, that we can do it ourselves. Second takeaway is that it takes self-awareness. In order to be happy at work we've got to understand what we really want and need, and then we need to make it happen, and that takes courage and willpower.

Rachel Salaman: Annie McKee, thanks very much for joining us today.

Annie McKee: Thank you, Rachel.

Rachel Salaman: The name of Annie's book again is "How to Be Happy at Work: The Power of Purpose, Hope and Friendship." I'll be back in a few weeks with another Expert Interview. Until then, goodbye.