Better Than Before: Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives

Crucially, this book doesn't flinch from saying that habits can be bad as well. It even makes the case that they can be a matter of life and death. But we can replace bad habits with good ones and, by doing so, we can boost our serenity and energy.

With the vast numbers of self-help books already out there, why is "Better Than Before" worth reading? Much of what's here is straightforward common sense, but it's peppered with brilliant insights that could trigger a few lightbulb moments.

Rubin's selling points are her framework for understanding habits and her straightforward, practical strategies for changing them. These strategies aren't rigid or fixed. They don't dictate techniques or lecture you with dos and don'ts. Instead, they invite you to find solutions that work for you. They help you to discover ways to change yourself, by yourself.

Rubin describes herself as a street scientist – the kind of person who values her own observations and friends' experiences at least as much as the scientific studies she consults. Her interest in happiness led to her previous two books – "The Happiness Project" and "Happier at Home" – both of which were bestsellers.

So, keep listening to hear how to get to know yourself, how to build a foundation for healthy habits, and how lightning-bolt moments can help form good habits.

"Better Than Before" is divided into 21 chapters, split into five parts, and comes in at just over 300 pages. Each chapter is dedicated to a framework or strategy that you can use to gain control over your habits.

The idea that we must first know ourselves in order to shape our habits runs through the whole book. So the first two chapters help us get to know ourselves better, before starting on the habit-forming strategies.

In the first chapter, called The Four Tendencies, we learn that adopting a new habit means setting yourself an expectation. For example, say you notice what a difference it makes to arrive at your desk on time each day, and you decide that you want to get into the habit of being punctual. Making this commitment means that, from now on, you expect yourself to get out of bed early, leave the house in good time, and drive to work without stopping for coffee and pastries on the way.

Rubin says there are two types of expectations: outer expectations, like meeting a deadline, and inner expectations, like keeping a New Year's resolution.

How you react to both types of expectations determines how you should approach changing your habits. This is what's behind Rubin's framework, which are the "Four Tendencies" of this chapter's title.

Your tendency might be to be an Upholder – someone who likes to know what's expected of him or her and who loves to meet those expectations. Upholders understand how useful habits can be and are keen to build them into their lives.

Questioners want to know the whys and wherefores of everything, and won't take anything at face value. They'll accept an expectation and adopt a habit only when they're satisfied that it's a useful thing to do.

Obligers tend to put other people's expectations of them above their own expectations of themselves. Most people form habits to please themselves, but obligers form them to please other people. And because the triggers for forming habits come from outside, obligers can find it tough to stick to them.

If you're the fourth tendency, then you're a rebel – a free spirit. Rebels don't like expectations and they resist forming habits. Their own goals are what matters to them so, if a habit can help them to achieve their goals, they might – just might – consider adopting it.

Working out your tendency helps you to adjust your mindset and think about habits in a way that appeals to you. This increases your chances of sticking to them.

Rubin uses the common goal of wanting to exercise more to show how this works. Upholders will start exercising the minute they commit to it, whereas questioners will need to be convinced that they'll benefit before they head out for a swim. Obligers will take up exercise more easily if they can work out with a friend, and rebels are more likely to go for a run if they link it to their love of freedom and independence.

The Four Tendencies are based on Rubin's own observations, and the next chapter expands on them by looking at the Strategy of Distinctions. The main idea here is that while people are not very different from one another, the differences that do exist are very important. They help to give us our sense of self, and they affect how we go about changing our habits. The Strategy of Distinctions helps us work out which characteristics define us, and how they influence our habits.

Here, we get to ponder questions like, "Am I a lark or an owl?" and, "Am I a finisher or an opener?" The aim is to pinpoint the unchanging characteristics that form the basis of who you are. Do this, and you can focus your habit-forming energy on the things you can change, where it will actually make a difference. After all, there's not much point trying to make a habit of starting work early if you're a night owl.

Again, this approach might seem simplistic, but we think it's a powerful starting point. It helps you to match your personality with habits that are likely to stick. If you skip this step, your attempts to form new habits might end up heading down a blind alley.

Having helped us learn more about who we are, the author moves on to look at a host of different strategies for improvement.

There are tips and techniques for changing habits, for making a fresh start, for dealing with failure and resisting temptation, and several others besides. Rubin has a very thorough approach!

So let's take a closer look at some of these strategies, beginning with one of the most essential: the Strategy of Foundation.

Imagine for a moment that you're building a factory. The site you've chosen is a great spot, but the builders complain that the ground there is damp and silty. A rival firm a few blocks away is also building a factory, but theirs is built on bedrock. Whose factory do you think will stand the test of time?

The Strategy of Foundation shows how the same thing applies to habits. Rubin lays out four areas where good habits form the strongest possible foundation for other habits – Sleep, Exercise, Diet, and Decluttering. If you can form strong habits in these areas, it will be easier to add other habits later on. Your motivation, mindset and self-control will be stronger, and you'll be in better shape for the challenge.

Another chapter you won't want to miss looks at the Strategy of the Lightning Bolt. This stands out because the lightning bolt is something which happens to us. It's not something we can conjure up for ourselves. And because we don't control when it happens, many of us miss the opportunity to form a new habit when the moment strikes.

The lightning bolt could be something as momentous as finding out that you've lost your job, or as insignificant as a throwaway remark. Whatever form they take, lightning bolts can inspire you to make a flash change in your life, and adopt a new habit. This chapter reminds us to watch out for and take advantage of these unexpected opportunities to permanently change our behavior.

We think the Strategy of the Lightning Bolt could be really useful when you're trying to encourage good habits in other people. If you're a manager, for example, and one of your team members is always late in the mornings, a well-judged word about punctuality could deliver a lightning bolt. He might then seize the moment and kick-start a habit of leaving home 10 minutes earlier each day.

If you're prone to dangling carrots as a way of motivating yourself, you might want to check out the chapter on rewards a little further on in the book.

Think about how you reward yourself at the moment. Maybe you finish writing a report and allow yourself to surf the Internet for 20 minutes. Or, you might reward yourself for speaking up in a meeting by not bothering to do it again for a few weeks. You may find you go from feeling pretty good about yourself to feeling the opposite, especially if the reward you choose is a slice of cake!

The author makes clear straight away that rewards don't always help people form good habits, and can even be dangerous, when they become more important to you than the behavior they're rewarding. Rewards can also be risky when you use them as a finishing line, or a place to pause, in case you struggle to pick up the habit again.

Rubin's best insight here is that we should look for our rewards within the habit itself. Looking for rewards outside a habit – like that slice of cake – makes life harder, while finding your reward within it can strengthen your efforts. Think, for example, how your habit of arriving at work on time every day will reward you… your productivity, your sense of being in control, your reputation.

If you've ever laid the blame for losing a healthy habit at someone else's door, fast forward toward the end of the book. You'll find a chapter there that explores how we're influenced by the people around us.

Rubin argues that human beings are susceptible to a condition she calls "goal contagion." In other words, we're easily affected by other people. They don't even have to be your nearest and dearest. Rubin mentions getting into the habit of using Scrivener software after seeing a comment about it on Twitter. And she changed her eating habits after a friend mentioned that salted almonds were bad for her.

We're reminded what a bad influence other people can be, too. You know, that guy who always tucks into the Oreos at coffee time, or the colleagues who seem so relaxed about taking extended lunch breaks. Of course, it works the other way around, too, and we can be just as bad an influence on them if we're not careful.

Here we have a good example of the author's simple, commonsense advice. She recommends surrounding ourselves with good role models, and acting as a good role model for others. Neither piece of advice is especially original, but they're followed by something a bit more insightful.

Rubin suggests that we try viewing ourselves from the outside, as kind of a managerial alter ego: someone who's there not to criticize but to consult, guide and remind us. She gives the example of wondering whether or not to schedule an hour a day to work on a particular project. She consulted her "internal manager," which helped her view her workload from the outside, and she concluded she didn't have time for that right now. This idea might sound odd, but we think it could be really effective.

So what's our last word on "Better Than Before"?

We think it's a very readable, thought-provoking book. It has the potential to help you drop bad habits and replace them with healthy ones that can make your life easier, and more rewarding. It's not heavy or academic and, while the author rarely quotes studies, there's a comprehensive set of references at the back, so you can feel confident that her work is well researched.

What we like best is that the author doesn't tell you what to do. In fact, if you're looking for a book that orders you to ditch certain habits and start up others, or which gives you one failsafe technique for changing your habits, you've come to the wrong place.

There isn't a universal solution that will work for everyone, so "Better Than Before" gives us a series of starting points – strategies for exploring what works for you. Some of these may be a little obvious. Others feel as if they've been lurking around the corner, just waiting for us to stumble upon them. This is where the author excels.

We think the book's strength lies in the number of clearly defined ideas that it presents. If you've tried some of these approaches before and they haven't worked, well there's plenty more here for you to try.

So whether you want to stop procrastinating, be more punctual, or contribute more in meetings, "Better Than Before" can help you to change your habits and transform your life.

"Better Than Before," by Gretchen Rubin, is published by the Crown Publishing Group.

That's the end of this episode of Book Insights. Thanks for listening.