Overcoming Perfectionism

Are you ever reluctant to submit your work without checking it just one more time? Do you ever set goals for yourself that you can't possibly meet? Or do you see every mistake as a huge failure instead of an important life lesson? If any of this sounds familiar, you might suffer from unhealthy perfectionism.

Sure, it's important to care about the quality of your work, but perfectionism can be like an obsession, resulting from a set of self-defeating thought patterns that push you to try to achieve unrealistic goals. It can lead to stress, unhappiness, low self-esteem, and decreased performance. It can also negatively affect your health, creativity, even your relationships.

According to psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar, there are two types of perfectionist: adaptive perfectionists and maladaptive perfectionists. Adaptive perfectionists are always trying to build their skills and improve the quality of their work. They're optimistic about what they do. They want to get things done and done well. They know when they've done a good job. They hit their deadlines and constantly strive to improve things.

Maladaptive perfectionists, on the other hand, are never really satisfied with their achievements. They always feel like they're lacking in some way and that mistakes are unacceptable. Because of this, and because they do so much reworking, they can spend a very long time getting things finished. This can cause them to miss deadlines and disappoint the people who depend on them.

Maladaptive perfectionists often experience a fear of failure. They suffer from self-doubt and constantly criticize themselves and their work. It's easy to see how this type of perfectionism can soon become unproductive and unhealthy.

If you fear your perfectionist tendencies are becoming harmful there are several things that you can do to challenge these behaviors and create a healthier outlook.

Start by writing down everything you do that you think needs to be perfect. For instance, does your grammar always need to be absolutely perfect? Do your work clothes have to be perfectly pressed? Do you feel like you need to have the perfect relationship or be the perfect parent? To help you make a comprehensive list of your perfectionist tendencies, look at your work, hobbies, habits, and even your goals.

Next, think about each of these areas carefully. Why do you believe a certain thing has to be perfect? Who or what's behind this belief? Write down the feelings you have about each behavior and the belief that maintains it. Once you've done this, come up with one specific way you can challenge each behavior.

For instance, imagine you spend a lot of time checking and rechecking your work. You could challenge this behavior by resolving to only check your work twice, once when it's finished and then again a couple of hours later or even the next day.

It can take time to overcome maladaptive perfectionism, but trying to overcome several areas all at once will likely make you feel overwhelmed and increase the chances that you'll give up. Instead, focus on one behavior at a time and commit to improving things bit by bit. Sometimes even the smallest changes can make a big difference.